Hello.
If you are reading this then that means you must remotely care about me or at least are curious as to whether I have expired in Africa or not. By Alice Yang logic this means that you would be happy to write me a letter!!!
This is my address. Don't bother sending food. It will cost you like 32432473298742397 dollars.
Alice Yang
P.O. Box 7392
Addis Ababa U.N.V. Institute of Technology
ADDIS ABABA ETHIOPIA
Anyway, I truly apologize for blogging so infrequently, but I like to think that I make up for it with these monstrous mammoth posts. Each post really takes me like a week to write since I want to say so much and the internet is so Anti-Alice. So, this post is pretty much about everything Ethiopia and then some. Have fun.
Truth is, Ethiopia has problems too.
So, on to my favorite part of my week...
Montage of Humorous Short Stories that if you don't find humorous you should stop reading my blog.
Most Likely to Trip at Graduation...and Africa
Anyway, so I am trying to rush to get on this bus that is waiting for me. An agonizing 30 seconds are wasted trying to side skirt this car manned by an amateur woman whose intellectual capacities are questionable at best. Upon arriving at mini bus, I effectively rush up the step and smash my head into the sharp metal roof. The only way to describe the moment appropriately is to imagine a Tom and Jerry cartoon where Jerry tricks Tom into running into a wall/frying pan/train/etc. Jerry was the minibus gods. Tom was me. I now know why cartoons always depict sparks and stars with their crash scenes. I am genuinely concerned about how the shape of my head will be affected by this incident. I have a lump the size of a chocolate egg on my head and a bigger lump in my ego. Everyone laughed. I think even the baby laughed. Throughout the 5 minute ride, people were cackling and pointing at me and reenacting my incident. Talk about humiliating.
Poor Farenji
If you haven't already deduced so yourself, farenji means foreigner in Ethiopia. Many of the local beggars and shoe shine boys are under this delusion that I have a lot of money. Let me clarify right now that I recieve 250 birr a week. Since I have no culinary skills to speak of whatsoever, I have to eat out. Each meal I eat is around 30 birr. I have to buy phone credit every week- 100 birr. Bus rides- 20 birr a day. You do the math. So anyway, I've started responding to the beggars and boys when they ask me for money or to buy some useless item or another. Now I reach MY hand out and say, "You give me money???" "Me POOR farenji. CHIGARUM farenji.You have MORE money than me." Usually, they just laugh. Never does anyone actually give me money, unfortunately. One time at Sheraton Addis, a 6 star Hotel or something insane, the waiter asked me what I wanted and I was like "dude, can I have boiling water for free? I literally can't afford anything on this menu at this place that my friend dragged me to..." The man came back with tea and cookies for me!!!! I am proud to say I am pretty confident I am the only farenji to ever get free food at the famed Sheraton. [This is an insane place where one night in a suite costs thousands of USD. There are 13 pools. 5 metal detectors upon entry. These metal detectors however, failed to catch the knife I snuck in my boot to go to the club. For safety purposes, of course. It was just another girl and I!!]
Business Meetings
I'm convinced Ethiopia is the only place where one can sign a business proposal....after multiple beers and watermelon vodka. Yes, I mean literal watermelon soaked in vodka. No, of course I did not engage in this behavior, I merely observed the happenings of such events.
Hitchhiking
I have discovered a cheap alternative to riding the hellish mini buses. My partner, Angie and I, now hitchhike.. Mostly in the day time of course. You'd be amazed how willing people are to help a couple of farenjis. This is why I carry my knife everywhere though. Anyway, they always first ask, why not take a taxi? To this Angie and I always respond with glum puppy eyes and mournfully talk about how our salary does not allow for such luxuries.
-----------------------------
So anyway, that's all for right now. I may or may not post again very soon. It depends how much I want to eat for dinner. The whole paying for internet is constantly in rivalry with my stomach.
Peace out. Say Thank you to the god of your choice for having running water and electricity today....I haven't had running water in a week.
More about that later...
Alice.
If you are reading this then that means you must remotely care about me or at least are curious as to whether I have expired in Africa or not. By Alice Yang logic this means that you would be happy to write me a letter!!!
This is my address. Don't bother sending food. It will cost you like 32432473298742397 dollars.
Alice Yang
P.O. Box 7392
Addis Ababa U.N.V. Institute of Technology
ADDIS ABABA ETHIOPIA
Anyway, I truly apologize for blogging so infrequently, but I like to think that I make up for it with these monstrous mammoth posts. Each post really takes me like a week to write since I want to say so much and the internet is so Anti-Alice. So, this post is pretty much about everything Ethiopia and then some. Have fun.
Truth is, Ethiopia has problems too.
Sometimes Westerners have this tendency to patronize the developing countries they travel to.
They gloss over the bad, the ugly, the smelly and rush excitedly to spew about how quaint and rustic or relaxing their respective pet country is.
In this way Westerners are really akin to the tourist brochures and books.
I want this blog to be completely honest and reveal Ethiopia for all its beauty and flaws.
It just wouldn't be fair otherwise. How can you really give a country any respect if you just caper on like an idiot tourist about the great weather and adorable kids? No, to really respect a country is to love it despite the flaws.
So, to begin! I recently leafed through tourist books and brochures actually. Here are my favorite quotes and my personal translations. And yes, I pretty much memorized them. I know what you're thinking and I too am impressed with what I am using my college education memorization skills on. Who cares about organic molecules when you can gleefully memorize and take a perverse joy in the absurd quotations from a silly overpriced tourist book that is clearly written by someone who Wikipedia'd Ethiopia and never actually set foot in the country.
Here we go.........
"Visit the vibrant and bustling Mercato-the largest marketplace from Cairo to Johannesburg! The eager shopper can find everything from genuine silver to injera!"
Read: Duct tape your belongings to your body or swarms of thieves will have you stripped in about 2 minutes. Watch your step too or you will end up in a pile of goat poo. Also, do not be the stupid farenji [foreigner] and pay 5000 Birr for an "authentic african silver necklace" that is really made out of nickel and plastic beads from China. Also, do not eat injera [traditional dish] off the street. You have to be a complete moron to inflict that kind of two day diarrhea upon yourself.
"Take a stroll through Piazza, the Italian influenced square with a historic church just around the corner. Kick back with a macchiato in a cafe after a day of shopping!"
Read: Battle your way through the streets of Piazza, taking special care to avoid getting squashed by the many vehicles hurtling down with absolutely no intention of braking. Wear long sleeves and pants to the church or the security will follow you the entire time. The people will stare. It will not be a spiritual moment.
*Side note: The macchiatos are delicious. These incredible concoctions left behind by the Italian invasion. A mixture of milk and espresso, you couldn't spend a better 5 birr. However, I have yet to bear witness to anyone actually leisurely "shopping" in Piazza. Shopping is probably not even an accurate word. Bargaining and haggling...shouting and yelling...these are all suitable substitutes.
Okay.
You want to know what Addis Ababa is really like?
So, first off people pee off the side of the streets all the time. The streets are paved not in gold. There are no cobblestones baked in the warm bask of sunshine. No, they literally are running with human waste. Most streets bear no sign of such waste but let's just say you should watch your step if you are trekking for awhile.
The smell in some parts is overwhelming enough to send tourists running around with their tshirts around their faces. I've actually seen this happen to a group of Asian women.
The city is under construction. The dust and fumes were maddening at first. You get used to it because if you wore a surgical mask like you probably should then you would be an even farenjier looking farenji.
Most restaurants and public toilets will water down everything from ketchup to soap in order to save money. I don't blame them. Except when I want to eat fries or wash my hands.
Very few people speak English well. The most common response to any frantic question from a lost foreigner is "okay okay" or "yes yes get in taxi." This kind of exchange usually leads to the lost foreigner getting more lost and possibly breaking down in tears. Yes this happens to me all the time. No, I don't cry.
The locals, mostly the men and boys, will yell "CHINA CHINA NI HAO CHING CHONG" at you if you even remotely resemble an Asian in their eyes. You can't make it 50 meters down the street without this happening and in between the "CHINA CHINA" you can often here, "HEY YOU! YOU!" or worse, "MONEY MONEY YOU GIVE ME MONEY." At first, I was extremely aggravated and insulted at this barrage of verbal attack every time I walked down the street. Honestly, I'm still bothered by it deep down but another intern told me that it's stupid to take it personally. The government honestly controls everything here--from telecommunications and internet to education-- so the people really don't know better. On the upside, sometimes, I yell back "HELLO AFRICA" and this causes the boys and men to erupt in peals of laughter.
The locals, mostly the men and boys, will yell "CHINA CHINA NI HAO CHING CHONG" at you if you even remotely resemble an Asian in their eyes. You can't make it 50 meters down the street without this happening and in between the "CHINA CHINA" you can often here, "HEY YOU! YOU!" or worse, "MONEY MONEY YOU GIVE ME MONEY." At first, I was extremely aggravated and insulted at this barrage of verbal attack every time I walked down the street. Honestly, I'm still bothered by it deep down but another intern told me that it's stupid to take it personally. The government honestly controls everything here--from telecommunications and internet to education-- so the people really don't know better. On the upside, sometimes, I yell back "HELLO AFRICA" and this causes the boys and men to erupt in peals of laughter.
END OBVIOUS OBSTACLES OF A DEVELOPING CITY.
So, these are the flaws of Addis that I wish you to be informed about so that when I talk about the great things, you know I'm being for REAL REAL.
So, on to my favorite part of my week...
Montage of Humorous Short Stories that if you don't find humorous you should stop reading my blog.
Most Likely to Trip at Graduation...and Africa
So, the other day I was rushing to get on this mini bus that rarely comes by my home. It was through the sheer grace of the minibus gods that this one happened to roll by as I was approaching.
*SIDE NOTE: Yes, I have developed a very polytheistic religion of my own since coming to Ethiopia. Every time a taxi ride goes well, it's because the minibus gods willed it. Every time we have electricity.......well the electricity gods were pleased for the day. I have yet to develop sacrificial tendencies but that may happen soon seeing as there are armies of goats in the city anyway.
*SIDE NOTE: Yes, I have developed a very polytheistic religion of my own since coming to Ethiopia. Every time a taxi ride goes well, it's because the minibus gods willed it. Every time we have electricity.......well the electricity gods were pleased for the day. I have yet to develop sacrificial tendencies but that may happen soon seeing as there are armies of goats in the city anyway.
Anyway, so I am trying to rush to get on this bus that is waiting for me. An agonizing 30 seconds are wasted trying to side skirt this car manned by an amateur woman whose intellectual capacities are questionable at best. Upon arriving at mini bus, I effectively rush up the step and smash my head into the sharp metal roof. The only way to describe the moment appropriately is to imagine a Tom and Jerry cartoon where Jerry tricks Tom into running into a wall/frying pan/train/etc. Jerry was the minibus gods. Tom was me. I now know why cartoons always depict sparks and stars with their crash scenes. I am genuinely concerned about how the shape of my head will be affected by this incident. I have a lump the size of a chocolate egg on my head and a bigger lump in my ego. Everyone laughed. I think even the baby laughed. Throughout the 5 minute ride, people were cackling and pointing at me and reenacting my incident. Talk about humiliating.
Poor Farenji
If you haven't already deduced so yourself, farenji means foreigner in Ethiopia. Many of the local beggars and shoe shine boys are under this delusion that I have a lot of money. Let me clarify right now that I recieve 250 birr a week. Since I have no culinary skills to speak of whatsoever, I have to eat out. Each meal I eat is around 30 birr. I have to buy phone credit every week- 100 birr. Bus rides- 20 birr a day. You do the math. So anyway, I've started responding to the beggars and boys when they ask me for money or to buy some useless item or another. Now I reach MY hand out and say, "You give me money???" "Me POOR farenji. CHIGARUM farenji.You have MORE money than me." Usually, they just laugh. Never does anyone actually give me money, unfortunately. One time at Sheraton Addis, a 6 star Hotel or something insane, the waiter asked me what I wanted and I was like "dude, can I have boiling water for free? I literally can't afford anything on this menu at this place that my friend dragged me to..." The man came back with tea and cookies for me!!!! I am proud to say I am pretty confident I am the only farenji to ever get free food at the famed Sheraton. [This is an insane place where one night in a suite costs thousands of USD. There are 13 pools. 5 metal detectors upon entry. These metal detectors however, failed to catch the knife I snuck in my boot to go to the club. For safety purposes, of course. It was just another girl and I!!]
Business Meetings
I'm convinced Ethiopia is the only place where one can sign a business proposal....after multiple beers and watermelon vodka. Yes, I mean literal watermelon soaked in vodka. No, of course I did not engage in this behavior, I merely observed the happenings of such events.
Hitchhiking
I have discovered a cheap alternative to riding the hellish mini buses. My partner, Angie and I, now hitchhike.. Mostly in the day time of course. You'd be amazed how willing people are to help a couple of farenjis. This is why I carry my knife everywhere though. Anyway, they always first ask, why not take a taxi? To this Angie and I always respond with glum puppy eyes and mournfully talk about how our salary does not allow for such luxuries.
-----------------------------
So anyway, that's all for right now. I may or may not post again very soon. It depends how much I want to eat for dinner. The whole paying for internet is constantly in rivalry with my stomach.
Peace out. Say Thank you to the god of your choice for having running water and electricity today....I haven't had running water in a week.
More about that later...
Alice.
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