Black and Yellow

I have started listening to my iPod on the streets every time I go out in order to drown out the relentless barrage of "CHINA, YOU!" or "HEY CHING CHONG HONG HOINGY HONG."

I write in all caps because these phrases are screamed at me. It's most ironic because I'm not from China and I probably know more about Ethiopia than China at this point. The longest I've ever stayed in China was maybe 2 weeks?

Anyway, honestly it's extremely rude but there's nothing you can do about it unless you want to write to the Ethiopian government and ask for them to improve the education system. Which I would not advise. 

Ethiopia has taught me a lot about tolerance and self-control. Mainly in the form of resisting the urge to throw the nearest rock at the racially confused. There's just too many of them and there's no point wasting time and energy attempting to reform an entire culture.

Below are some of the most absurd phrases that I have been the recipient of and the subsequent thoughts that ran through my head, respectively. 

"Hey JIMMY CHONG!"

Did  the man mean Jackie Chang? Jimmy Choos? Maybe Choo Choos? I will never know.

"CHINA KONICHIWA!!!!!"

...............

"HEY YOU CHINA, WHERE IS THE BANANA ??"

Sir, if I knew where there was an unbruised banana, I'd be eating it.

"CHINA SO SEXYYYYY."

Wow, a country that is sexy; that must be a first.

"CHINA, GET IN TAXI YES."

HAH. Mister, if I could afford a taxi why do you think I am still walking to the mini bus stop?

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Anyway, so mostly these guys don't mean much harm I don't think but I know there is some resentment against the Chinese here. Mostly the older generations are upset that the Chinese donated the roads here and hired the Chinese to do the construction and not Ethiopians. Additionally, the Chinese  have flooded the Ethiopian market with cheap products so obviously the manufacturers and local producers here are bound to be unhappy.

Oh, globalization.

Anyway, for the most part the Ethiopians are just bewildered to see an Asian woman walking around on the streets. Ironically, I am surprised every time I see a farenji roaming around. It's just not common. I have yet to meet another Asian woman on the streets honestly. One time actually, it's pretty funny, I was walking on the street and this little girl, maybe 3, was walking with her mother and the mom is tugging on the girl to keep moving but as soon as she saw me her jaw literally dropped and her eyes basically said, "Who is this yellow creature?"

Well, I laughed anyway.

I don't mean yellow offensively by the way. Some Ethiopians here literally call me their "Yellow friend."

Better to be yellow friend than no friend anyway.

For the most part, being a farenji is pretty useful transportation wise. Some days, okay most days, if my partner and I are feeling low on funds then we hitchhike. We have minibus option in daytime but usually if the place is ten minutes away by car and takes 3 minibuses and an hour to get to (the routes are never straight) then we opt to "make new friends." 

Yes, we hitchhike in Africa.

It's like carpooling except we never return the favor. We do however, make explicitly clear to every kind stranger that picks us up that he can call on us if he is ever in North America, and we will drive him all around the town.

Anyway, a typical hitchhiking encounter.

Us: Excuse me sir, are you possibly headed towards ____________.

Man: No sorry. But you can take taxi, there's one right there.

Us: We are poor farenjis -insert puppy faces- We seriously can't afford the taxis.

*A taxi, or compact, is different from mini bus and the driver always charges a farenji 200 birr to go anywhere. That is 90% of a week's salary for us.

Man: Okay okay, here do you want me to pay? I can pay no problem.

Us: Oh noooo we feel so bad, please don't.

Man: Okay okay, get in I drive.

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And, just like that we've saved 200 birr! And made new friends! The strangers are always interested in where we come from/what we're doing in Ethiopia, so I like to think they don't mind driving us around for 10 minutes.

**REAL TIME UPDATE**

This incredibly kind waiter at this incredibly expensive hotel just gave me free peanuts because I think he overheard my conversation with my partner about how I need to eat ramen tonight and can't afford the 2 USD pizza....Embarrassing.

But, FREE PEANUTS! I'm so excited, this is going to be at least half my dinner. 

See, Ethiopians are totally the best, despite the racially vocal ones on the street. 

So as you can tell, living here has already truly changed me. For one thing, I will probably go home and just sleep in my pantry and stuff my face for a week straight. But, on a serious note, I have come to appreciate everything in life so much more. I appreciate the random circumstances that have led to the life that I was born into. I appreciate running water, plumbing, electricity, sidewalks, and soap. I appreciate that my parents  and government have supported me so long and allowed me to live such a life freed of physical hardships.

So cheesy, but I mean this stuff.

Also, I love but can never buy cheese because donuts are the cheaper breakfast option. Just saying cheese pains me so maybe from now on I will just say Sooo Holey.

By the way, my birthday is August 3 and if you're thinking of buying me a present I just want cheese.

Hint hint hint.

Just kidding.

Or am I ?

China out.

Living Without

As foreshadowed in the last post, our building has not had water in a week.

A pipe burst, and they have thus far not fixed the problem.

Well, to be fair they dug a hole under the leaking pipe and if you are lucky you can sometimes scoop water out of this hole. I personally choose not to because the hole is located dangerously close to the dumpster and I believe people are now confusing the hole with an augmentation of the original dumpster.

I digress.

This week has taught me just how much we Westerners take for granted.


Did you know to wash your face and brush your teeth it takes almost a full liter of water?

This is insane.

Since I have been here the toilet has not actually flushed on its own so we have to manually fill bucket, flush, cheer, etc.


To flush a toilet takes almost 5 liters of water!

The next time you brush your teeth, for the love of the god you worship, PLEASE turn off the water!

This is not to say I have become a total hippie. Far from it. I alone in the house refused to go without a shower. I got extremely lucky most nights and there was a trickle of water...enough to fill a bucket and wash for 3 days. On the fourth day I succumbed to the will of the pipe gods who refused to emit even a trickle of water and showered elsewhere.

Anyway, since coming to Ethiopia I have discovered a whole new trove of ways to save and skimp. Below is a list of my favorite methods of conservation.

Hangers

Contrary to popular media/advertisement, a clothes hanger will actually hold up to 5 -10 clothing items depending on the clothes of course. When I came here, there was one clothes hanger for me. I came with I believe...10 dresses, 7 skirts, 1 pair of jeans [my stupidest move by far] and at least 5 jackets.

Yeah, you really figure out ways to teach that hanger who is boss.

Free linens!

I know many people in America who take napkins from restaurants. But, how many take toilet paper? Well, this one does now. But only from the five star hotels which demand that you buy outrageously overpriced tea in order to use their internet.
*Dear Ethiopian government if you are reading this, your internet and tea services are great! Super! I love very much!!!

Chile Peppers

If you're feeling particularly broke someday and can't afford to eat expensively, ask for lots of chile peppers with your meal. They're free and count as vegetable quota of the day.

Water Bottles

There is no recycling system here but why throw away those bottles when you can use them to build rockets for kids or when you can turn them into trash cans?

Phone Credit

If you're really out of money and credit, don't stress out. Just dial *807*yourperson'snumber-poundkey. This sends that person a lovely text message requesting they call you back...for free! My favorite discovery of Ethio Tel.

Reuse, you fool

A tissue can be reused at least 3 times. I don't care how gross that sounds.

Hygiene 

You learn quickly to use a fraction of your soap and shampoo during showers when you discover that you only have half a bar of soap left and 2 months to go.

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Told you guys I was Chigarum.

Anyway, I sincerely hope this helps you guys with any future travels of  yours to a third-world country.

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Oh my god. I have racked up 12 birr at this internet cafe. I must go if I want to eat fruit with dinner...by the way, the mango banana juice here? TO DIE FOR. Literally, if nothing else I wouldn't mind getting hit by a taxi just for having been in the company of this godly drink.

K. Bye.

Cutting the Crap

Hello.

If you are reading this then that means you must remotely care about me or at least are curious as to whether I have expired in Africa or not. By Alice Yang logic this means that you would be happy to write me a letter!!!

This is my address. Don't bother sending food. It will cost you like 32432473298742397 dollars.

Alice Yang
P.O. Box 7392
Addis Ababa U.N.V. Institute of Technology
ADDIS ABABA ETHIOPIA

Anyway, I truly apologize for blogging so infrequently, but I like to think that I make up for it with these monstrous mammoth posts. Each post really takes me like a week to write since I want to say so much and the internet is so Anti-Alice. So, this post is pretty much about everything Ethiopia and then some. Have fun.

Truth is, Ethiopia has problems too.

Sometimes Westerners have this tendency to patronize the developing countries they travel to.

They gloss over the bad, the ugly, the smelly and rush excitedly to spew about how quaint and rustic or relaxing their respective pet country is.

In this way Westerners are really akin to the tourist brochures and books.

I want this blog to be completely honest and reveal Ethiopia for all its beauty and flaws.

It just wouldn't be fair otherwise. How can you really give a country any respect if you just caper on like an idiot tourist about the great weather and adorable kids? No, to really respect a country is to love it despite the flaws. 

So, to begin! I recently leafed through tourist books and brochures actually. Here are my favorite quotes and my personal translations. And yes, I pretty much memorized them. I know what you're thinking and I too am impressed with what I am using my college education memorization skills on. Who cares about organic molecules when you can gleefully memorize and take a perverse joy in the absurd quotations from a silly overpriced tourist book that is clearly written by someone who Wikipedia'd Ethiopia and never actually set foot in the country.

Here we go.........

"Visit the vibrant and bustling Mercato-the largest marketplace from Cairo to Johannesburg! The eager shopper can find everything from genuine silver to injera!"

Read: Duct tape your belongings to your body or swarms of thieves will have you stripped in about 2 minutes. Watch your step too or you will end up in a pile of goat poo. Also, do not be the stupid farenji [foreigner] and pay 5000 Birr for an "authentic african silver necklace" that is really made out of nickel and plastic beads from China. Also, do not eat injera [traditional dish] off the street. You have to be a complete moron to inflict that kind of two day diarrhea upon yourself. 

"Take a stroll through Piazza, the Italian influenced square with a historic church just around the corner. Kick back with a macchiato in a cafe after a day of shopping!"

Read: Battle your way through the streets of Piazza, taking special care to avoid getting squashed by the many vehicles hurtling down with absolutely no intention of braking. Wear long sleeves and pants to the church or the security will follow you the entire time. The people will stare. It will not be a spiritual moment. 

*Side note: The macchiatos are delicious. These incredible concoctions left behind by the Italian invasion. A mixture of milk and espresso, you couldn't spend a better 5 birr. However, I have yet to bear witness to anyone actually leisurely "shopping" in Piazza. Shopping is probably not even an accurate word. Bargaining and haggling...shouting and yelling...these are all suitable substitutes.

Okay.

You want to know what Addis Ababa is really like?

So, first off people pee off the side of the streets all the time. The streets are paved not in gold. There are no cobblestones baked in the warm bask of sunshine. No, they literally are running with human waste. Most streets bear no sign of such waste but let's just say you should watch your step if you are trekking for awhile. 

The smell in some parts is overwhelming enough to send tourists running around with their tshirts around their faces. I've actually seen this happen to a group of Asian women. 

The city is under construction. The dust and fumes were maddening at first. You get used to it because if you wore a surgical mask like you probably should then you would be an even farenjier looking farenji.

Most restaurants and public toilets will water down everything from ketchup to soap in order to save money. I don't blame them. Except when I want to eat fries or wash my hands. 

Very few people speak English well. The most common response to any frantic question from a  lost foreigner is "okay okay" or "yes yes get in taxi." This kind of exchange usually leads to the lost foreigner getting more lost and possibly breaking down in tears. Yes this happens to me all the time. No, I don't cry.

The locals, mostly the men and boys, will yell "CHINA CHINA NI HAO CHING CHONG" at you if you even remotely resemble an Asian in their eyes. You can't make it 50 meters down the street without this happening and in between the "CHINA CHINA" you can often here, "HEY YOU! YOU!" or worse, "MONEY MONEY YOU GIVE ME MONEY." At first, I was extremely aggravated and insulted at this barrage of verbal attack every time I walked down the street. Honestly, I'm still bothered by it deep down but another intern told me that it's stupid to take it personally. The government honestly controls everything here--from telecommunications and internet to education-- so the people really don't know better. On the upside, sometimes, I yell back "HELLO AFRICA" and this causes the boys and men to erupt in peals of laughter. 

END OBVIOUS OBSTACLES OF A DEVELOPING CITY.

So, these are the flaws of Addis that I wish you to be informed about so that when I talk about the great things, you know I'm being for REAL REAL. 

So, on to my favorite part of my week...


Montage of Humorous Short Stories that if you don't find humorous you should stop reading my blog.




Most Likely to Trip at Graduation...and Africa

So, the other day I was rushing to get on this mini bus that rarely comes by my home. It was through the sheer grace of the minibus gods that this one happened to roll by as I was approaching.

*SIDE NOTE: Yes, I have developed a very polytheistic religion of my own since coming to Ethiopia. Every time a taxi ride goes well, it's because the minibus gods willed it. Every time we have electricity.......well the electricity gods were pleased for the day. I have yet to develop sacrificial tendencies but that may happen soon seeing as there are armies of goats in the city anyway.  

Anyway, so I am trying to rush to get on this bus that is waiting for me. An agonizing 30 seconds are wasted trying to side skirt this car manned by an amateur woman whose intellectual capacities are questionable at best. Upon arriving at mini bus, I effectively rush up the step and smash my head into the sharp metal roof. The only way to describe the moment appropriately is to imagine a Tom and Jerry cartoon where Jerry tricks Tom into running into a wall/frying pan/train/etc. Jerry was the minibus gods. Tom was me. I now know why cartoons always depict sparks and stars with their crash scenes. I am genuinely concerned about how the shape of my head will be affected by this incident. I have a lump the size of a chocolate egg on my head and a bigger lump in my ego. Everyone laughed. I think even the baby laughed. Throughout the 5 minute ride, people were cackling and pointing at me and reenacting my incident. Talk about humiliating.

Poor Farenji


If you haven't already deduced so yourself, farenji means foreigner in Ethiopia. Many of the local beggars and shoe shine boys are under this delusion that I have a lot of money. Let me clarify right now that I recieve 250 birr a week. Since I have no culinary skills to speak of whatsoever, I have to eat out. Each meal I eat is around 30 birr. I have to buy phone credit every week- 100 birr. Bus rides- 20 birr a day. You do the math. So anyway, I've started responding to the beggars and boys when they ask me for money or to buy some useless item or another. Now I reach MY hand out and say, "You give me money???" "Me POOR farenji. CHIGARUM farenji.You have MORE money than me." Usually, they just laugh. Never does anyone actually give me money, unfortunately. One time at Sheraton Addis, a 6 star Hotel or something insane, the waiter asked me what I wanted and I was like "dude, can I  have boiling water for free? I literally can't afford anything on this menu at this place that my friend dragged me to..." The man came back with tea and cookies for me!!!! I am proud to say I am pretty confident I am the only farenji to ever get free food at the famed Sheraton. [This is an insane place where one night in a suite costs thousands of USD. There are 13 pools. 5 metal detectors upon entry. These metal detectors however, failed to catch the knife I snuck in my boot to go to the club. For safety purposes, of course. It was just another girl and I!!]

Business Meetings

I'm convinced Ethiopia is the only place where one can sign a business proposal....after multiple beers and watermelon vodka. Yes, I mean literal watermelon soaked in vodka. No, of course I did not engage in this behavior, I merely observed the happenings of such events.

Hitchhiking 

I have discovered a cheap alternative to riding the hellish mini buses. My partner, Angie and I, now hitchhike.. Mostly in the day time of course. You'd be amazed how willing people are to help a couple of farenjis. This is why I carry my knife everywhere though. Anyway, they always first ask, why not take a taxi? To this Angie and I always respond with glum puppy eyes and mournfully talk about how our salary does not allow for such luxuries.

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So anyway, that's all for right now. I may or may not post again very soon. It depends how much I want to eat for dinner. The whole paying for internet is constantly in rivalry with my stomach.

Peace out. Say Thank you to the god of your choice for having running water and electricity today....I haven't had running water in a week.

More about that later...


Alice.